For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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