dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
