this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
