She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
