so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
