My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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