As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
