The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
