I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
