U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
