That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
