C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
