1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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