Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
