I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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