I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
