I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
