look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
