so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
