I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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