just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
