he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
