Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just blew my weed a kiss
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
