hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
