I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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