I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
MIDGETS
????
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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