there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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