yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
