tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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