I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
