Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
