i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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