did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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