My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
