You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
