so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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