dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
