girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
