Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
