My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
