If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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