There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
