I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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