he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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