if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
