Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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