we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
