Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
