She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize