Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
