just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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