I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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