I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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