well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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