I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
