Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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