Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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