Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
