Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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