how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Randomize
