Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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