i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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