Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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