my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There was a lot of him and a little penis
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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